Come and Find Me
by castlealways1
Summary: A house. A blackout. A shot. And she's gone. He writes her letters, desperately trying not to lose hope. She's locked up in a room where the only thing that keeps her from going insane are the letters she writes him. Letters they can't send. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own a poster of the show. Does that count?**

**Enjoy :)**

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><p><em>February the 16th, 2013<em>

Kate,

One year has passed since you were taken away (_from me)_. Yes, I do refuse to say you were killed until I have solid evidence to look at even though everyone else around me seems to have made their minds about this. But they're _wrong_. I can tell.

One year has passed since we were entering that house where we knew we would find them and it would all be over. Remember when I stopped and you didn't even realize until you turned around to tell me we were getting in? Do you want to know why I did? I can picture your beautiful eyes looking at me right now, you folding your arms and leaning to some desk, I can picture you giving me this challenging look as you ask "Why?" with a voice that won't let out a single trace of interest, but I see it Kate, I see it. _You want to know. _

I stopped because I knew that whatever we found behind that door would define your future. _Our future. _I truly believed we would find the last thing you needed to be who you wanted to be, to do what you wanted to do. I stopped because I wanted to stare at you for a little while, all determined, firmly holding that gun on your hand as you always did. But this time it was different, this time it was about your life and your mother's death. I saw all the anger in your eyes, but I knew you wouldn't let it drive you. This was too important and you didn't want to fail. I remember you glancing at me, an heavy, steady and meaningful glance. "Castle, come on!" you whispered, calling me back from my thoughts. "We're going in."

I can still hear your voice saying all this words to me. I will never forget them. They're just mere words, but they were the last words I heard you say.

You kicked that door down, God, Kate, in different circumstances I'd say that was one of the hottest things I ever saw you doing. (I can now picture you rolling your eyes and saying "You don't change, do you, Castle?") But you'd be wrong, I did change a lot this past year. - That's another matter, I can tell you about it later. We have time don't we? Ah, a_ctually we ran out of time already, exactly one year ago. -_

I followed you and there's not much I remember about what happened next. I can tell that when I got back to myself I felt cold and empty. I moved my left arm up and down on my chest as If I was unconsciously searching for something that had been there just a few minutes ago. I can't tell what it was or why it felt like this, but I can tell you I remember feeling warmth in that same spot long before I opened my eyes, right before it felt cold. I like to think that it was you. I like to think your head was in my chest just before they took you away. I like to think I held you one last time before they did. _(But it kills me knowing that I let you go.)_

Slowly I realized what had woken me up. An aggressive noise. A shot. I remember I turned my head to both sides to check if you were there. When I saw you weren't, I immediately catapulted myself from the floor and called your name repeatedly.

I swear, Kate, I swear I saw them dragging you. It was dark and my vision was blurred but I swear I did. Some doctors say it was the shock, others say it was due to fact that I hit my head when I fell. _I say I know I saw you. _It was just a glimpse, but I did.

There was blood on the floor and you were nowhere to be found.

I know Ryan and Esposito looked for you as much as they could. I know they're the only ones (besides me, of course) that still have the slightest hope that you're somewhere out there, breathing.

We're all broken, Kate. Your father, me, Lanie, Ryan, Esposito, even mom and Alexis. The difference is that some still have hope while others don't. Is that a good thing? I've been told this hope is killing me. I've been told I'm one step away of sinking in too deep, one step away of seeing you reflected in every woman on the street, one step away of going insane unless I let you go.

But I won't ever give up on you, Kate. _Ever. _And I'll keep searching with all I've got until I find you.

I love you, Kate.

_Yours faithfully, _

Rick

P.S: I thought you'd like to know that I'm still writing. But after this one book…I'm done.

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><p><strong>AN: This was supposed to be an one-shot, but now I've got all sorts of ideas for at least the next 4 chapters. This would be a series of letters, some from Rick and some from Kate. Please let me know what you thought. If by any chance you actually liked it, I will start writing the next chapter immediately. **

**Also, I'm Portuguese, so you'll have to forgive my multiple stabs in the English language :p Give me time, I like to think I'm getting better at this xD.**

**Thank you for reading (:**

**Clara**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N**: Thank you, you amazing people that read, reviewed, added to alerts and even to favorites! You are awesome :)**

**I hope I don't let you down. TWO chapters in the same night. Uhuh.**

Disclaimer:** I studied half of the time that I should have for my Geography test because I was thinking about this story. ****Do the real writers have geography tests? ;p**

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><p><em>February the 16th, 2013<em>

_Castle, _

It's been a while since I actually wrote something… My hand feels unstable and my handwriting is coming out weird. I apologize for that (in case you ever read this).

The last time I wrote to you was six months ago, but then there were no more pages left in the notebook and it's not like they bother buying me gifts every day.

A couple days ago they actually brought me this new one and since then I've been thinking about whether or not I should start writing to you again. I used to do it to my mom before, but then I was told this wasn't good for my mental health. But what is, anyway? I mean, I've been closed between this four walls for a year now, reading old books because that's all I have to occupy my time. I am given food once (sometimes twice) a day, and I spend hours in the dark when the power is off for some reason, even during the day. Oh, this doesn't seem so bad when written does it? But believe me, it is. So, I don't care I'm writing letters that you will never read, I don't care I'm sitting here imagining all of your reactions to every word of mine, I don't care if they say that the next step is me getting delusional and believing you're actually here. Bullshit. Right now, you…You are my only escape. You will keep me sane. Writing for you warms my heart and missing you seems a little less painful.

As I was saying, six months have passed since the last time I wrote to you and one year since I saw you for the last time. I still don't know whether you're alive or…_not._ Every day, when I fall asleep, I can still see you, laying there, your eyes closed as he pulled me back. I'm still not sure if I wanted you to have opened your eyes or not, on one hand I didn't want you to see me _leaving you_ but on the other hand, I'd give anything to see your blue eyes again. I still think I saw you trying to get up and looking around. _Were you looking for me? _Maybe it was all my imagination and I didn't see a thing. Still, I prefer to believe you did get up, because that means there's still a chance that you got out of that building in time, before it blew up. One thing I know: when I was plucked out from you, I could still see your chest slowly rising up and down, as if you were asleep at home. So you could be alive. You _have_ to be alive.

My scar, my second scar, aches today more than ever. It's been a year since they shot my right leg so I would leave a trace of blood behind to trick you all. Those smart little bastards.

I used to believe you would be smarter than them, and that you would keep digging in until you found me. After all, you are my plucky sidekick, right? But it's been a year, Castle. A year, and you're not here. Not you, not anyone else.

I wish they would tell me what they want. My gut tells me that I wouldn't be willing to give it, but I wish I knew. For how long do they intend to keep me here? What will they do to me? Shoot me? Force me to stay here forever? So many questions and there's no one here to answer them. You know, I've felt alone before, but never so lonely.

I'm afraid of what's going to happen to me if they keep me here. I don't know how much longer I can take.

At any moment one of them should be here with the so called food. (You know, a piece of crusty bread, a glass of water and, if I'm lucky, some pasta from two days ago, along with undercooked meat) The food is not the worst part though, at least when I'm eating I'm doing something. The worst part are the minutes that look like hours and the hours that look like days. Time is just so slow down here.

It's Carlton, the one who's coming. I can tell by the footsteps. Yes, this is so quiet that I learnt how to distinguish them by the sound of their footsteps. I get it right 70% of the times. (Did that just sound like something_ you_ would say?)

Carlton it's not the worst of them. He doesn't talk much, he just drops the food.

I better close this.

_With love, _

_Kate_

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><p><span>AN:** So, this chapter came off way lighter than what I had planned. This happened because I left out a strong plot element to allow you guys to get to know Beckett's situation a little bit more before we go any further. I hope you don't mind :/**

**Let me know what you thought. When I see a review alert I'm telling you, the biggest of the smiles appears on my face right away :p **

**But most of all, I honestly hope you're enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it.**

**Clara**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer: If I owned this amazing characters I'd be famous. My name is Clara Mendes, have you ever heard of me? _**

**_Yup, I didn't think so either.  
><em>**

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><p><em>February the 26th, 2013<em>

_Kate, _

I miss you.

I currently have a pile of crumpled papers in my desk due to the amount of times I already started writing this letter and threw away all my attempts. Ridiculous, right? I'm the only one reading these, and after that I just put them in a drawer. But I can't seem to get over the feeling that they are _for you._

I miss you it's probably not the most stunning way of starting a letter, it's probably too simple, but those are the most sincere words I have for you right now.

_I miss you._

_Where are you, Kate?_

You know, when the investigation was closed, Detective Perez handed me a key of your apartment, she said "You two _were _friends right? You might want to _put things in order", _in other words "go there, pack up all of her things and put them in a basement or give them away". You have no idea how mad I get when I hear something like this. Even with my own daughter. Oh, Alexis… Yesterday she saw me going over the files of your case that I brought from the precinct. She stood there, looking at me until she finally asked what I was doing. I can't lie to her, so I told her the truth (_she probably knew it already anyway)._ You know what she did? She looked at me with tears on her eyes, and I could easily see what she was thinking, "please let go. You're drowning so badly, dad". I read all of that in her eyes but the words that came out of her mouth were way harsher. "She's gone, dad. It's been a year. A YEAR. She's not coming back."

She did suffer with this, she liked you, a lot. But now, I think she's mostly hurting because she sees how I am. I pretend that I don't see it sometimes, how coward of me. I'm just not sure I can handle the pain for both of us, so I leave it to my mother to support her. (I think this is the first time I'm even admitting that to myself) It's just that I'm so caught up in this situation that I really can't look away, I don't want to. I want to keep going through files and keep going to the precinct every single week even though I know the investigation is practically closed, I want to keep coming back to places where we were, I want to keep writing to you.

_Because I know you are there._ And I will get to you, one way or another.

I can hear your voice in my head so clearly right now. "_Don't do this. Don't get in too deep. Don't forget to be there for your daughter, don't ignore her pain, and don't ignore your pain. Don't let this drive you, don't go to where I have been, Castle. It's a pretty dark place and once you're in, it takes you a lifetime to come out."_ I'm sorry Kate, I'm sorry I'm disappointing you, I promise to try not to go too deep. (Am not I already there?)

But as I was saying, I have a key to your apartment and I've paid the rent every single month. I never actually went there before because I'm afraid you'd think I'm invading your privacy. You would, wouldn't you? But I'm tempted to go there tomorrow. (No, Katherine Beckett, _I am not_ going to open your underwear drawer!) I just need to see if there was something else you weren't telling me. _Anything _that might give me any more leads.

I went to talk to Gates today. She's nicer now, I think she's sorry for me or something. She also misses having some talented detective working on her floor. (Well, they say you never really give value to something until you lose it, right?) _I did._ Anyway, we had the same conversation that we've had the last forty times we were together. I asked her if there were any news, she told me to go home. I asked her again, she answered with the same "no" as ever. _(It's always painful to hear, no matter how many times she says it_.) But she said they still have a detective on the case. I'm not sure if I believe her. Everyone seems to have taken the easiest path: "She's gone. They're dangerous. They won't let her come back, they probably killed her already. So why bother? Why losing nights of sleep or putting myself in danger? She's gone." I get it, to a certain point. It hurts them to think that you are dead. But it kills them inside to think that you're alive because they keep expecting you at any moment to only get disappointed every time. It kills them inside to have hope. They find excuses to everything. No, there wasn't enough blood on the floor, but that doesn't mean they don't tell themselves "They took her while she was still bleeding, so that doesn't mean she didn't die anyway." They're afraid to be where I am, fighting. It kills me too, but I'm not afraid.

You are my partner, and partners fight for each other. Wherever you are you better be fighting to _keep breathing._

I've finished my book, and although I'm still searching for the right words, it will be dedicated to you, and to you _only_.

I wish you could read it when it comes out.

_Yours, faithfully _

_Rick_

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><p><em><strong>AN: Sooo, this chapter it's nothing special but it gives you important details for future chapters. The next one will be more intense, I promise.**_

_**Also I have no idea of how many chapters more this will have. I've got a lot of ideas that would do for like 5 more. But I can't just give you the strong plot elements all at once right? xD So I guess I'll write a couple more in between. (if I have interested readers) **_**_Reviews are very welcome guys :D_****_  
><em>****Clara**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: You guys are so sweet! Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing :) Also, I'm really surprised by the number of Story Alerts :O thanks!**

**Hum...just try not to kill me after this chapter, please.**

**Disclaimer: I think my readers will hate me after this, so I'll have to stop writing. Real writers don't stop writing when they have this amazing characters to play with.**

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><p><em>March the 2<em>_nd__, 2013_

_Castle, _

I need to get out.

Remember that guy, Carlton, that I told you about? Remember me telling you that he didn't come down here very much but that when he did he was quiet? Remember me telling you he wasn't the worst of them?

It only took him five extra minutes here two days ago to prove me wrong.

He came in while I was sitting on the bed and I immediately realized he looked different. His blue eyes were glazed and he had this twisted smile on his face, as he put the tray with the food on the table next to the door and told me to get up. At first I was reluctant and I pretended I didn't hear him, but he kept repeating it, rougher every time and then he was calling me names. It's been a year but sometimes I still have to remind myself that I have no power in here. I'm just so used to being in control, you know?

When I finally got up, his twisted grin increased and he came closer, his hands were sweaty as he roughly grabbed my arm. _"They're all out"_ He said. _"I can do whatever I want to you without having people interrupting us." _He put an arm around my waist, pushing me heavily against him. I struggled to stay as far from him as I could, but he's tall and strong and I felt so weak, so tiny.

"_What do you feel like doing, you little slut?" _His eyes where crazy as he leaned his face forward. I turned my head to my right side but still I could feel the alcohol in his breath. He was so close now, I remember I closed my eyes tightly with repulse, but he wouldn't move away. Suddenly, his hand was on my face forcing me to look at him again. And then his lips were brushing mines and he was whispering stuff that I couldn't even understand. Or probably I wasn't really listening. I moaned with rage and tried to pull away as he opened his mouth, but one of his hands was strong on my back and the other was grabbing my chin so roughly that I couldn't fight it. I tightened my lips but he persisted. And then his hands were all over me, grossly making their way under my shirt and he wouldn't stop, so I spit in his face. I don't know what I was thinking, it could have made things so much worse, but you know I'm not (at all) the kind of girl that gives in without putting up a fight. You know what he did? He let me go. Although I was terrified, I didn't move and looked him in the eye as he rubbed his hand on his face to clean up. There it was again, that twisted smile of his, but he wasn't holding me anymore, instead he was making his way to the door and I let out a deep breath. He heard me and turned around, _"I'm not done with you yet." _He said.

When he left I felt sick, I just wanted to kneel in front of the toilet and throw up until I collapsed.

This is terrible. This feeling. Every time I hear footsteps I crawl in my bed like a child and I pray for it not to be him. Every time that door opens I'm afraid to look, I'm afraid to see _him_.

This isn't me, Rick. I'm not this scared little girl. I am strong. I am tough. _I used to be._

I probably would never really tell you this. It would kill you, wouldn't it? It hurts me but it would kill you to know someone did these things to me and that you weren't here to protect me. It's not your fault of course, but you'd blame yourself anyway, wouldn't you Castle? That's just who you are. But it's okay, you are helping me in a certain way, just by existing. I'm writing to you. This is the only thing that keeps me going.

I need to get out of here.

Dear God, whoever you are, if you even exist please just let me get out of here. I promise I will make everything right this time. I promise I will let go of the past.

_I promise I will let him take care of my wounds. _Just get me out of here before it's too late.

(Oh, now I'm praying? I never even believed in God before!)

Rick please. Find me.

_And bring my gun. I'm gonna need it. _

_With love,_

Kate

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><p><strong>AN2: Okay pleaseee forgive me for doing this to Kate. But before you beat me up, let me tell you that what happened here won't go any further, or I'll just burst into tears while writing. Also I promise better things will come up with time. Don't worry, everything will eventually get better. **

**Will you try to forgive me? :$ **

**Clara**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Guys you are amazing, thank you for forgiving me and keeping reading and reviewing! :)**

**I'm sorry if this story is breaking your hearts, but like I said, it will get better. **

**Disclaimer: The only reason I don't own them is because I'm a minor. Me and A.W Marlowe are bff's, so he's just waiting for me to turn 21 to give me a share ;)**

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><p><em>March the 10<em>_th__, 2013_

_Kate, _

I had dinner with your father last night. He misses you.

He is the only one I pretend to be okay for, someone has to show him that life is not over. Still it's so hard, Kate. He lost the two women he loved the most in the world. First his wife, now his daughter. I don't think I would be able to handle that myself but I pretend that I would, so he won't feel like this is a dead end.

Now that I think about it, I realize I took your part at being the strong one for your dad. I admire you even more now that I know how hard it really is. How did you do it? I mean, I'm so lost and I'm pretty sure you know how this feels like. Still, you were always so strong. I've said it, and I'll say it again: _I'm completely amazed with the depths of your strength._

Don't worry, Jim hasn't turned to alcohol again. I convinced him to go to his meetings again and to spend time with his sponsor, for now at least. I told him to believe that you were alive, that you would come back. But is this even the right path? What if you aren't? What if you don't? He will just fall completely apart. "_Are we really still talking about my dad?" _I can hear you ask. Well, I think we are talking about both, me and him.

Did you ever realize how important you were to people? No, you didn't. You saw yourself like damaged goods even though on the outside you always looked so strong and confident. But hear me now, you are…were…are…important. You are absolutely extraordinary, (_I told you that several times, didn't I?_). You are the strongest person I ever met, but don't you dare thinking that because of that you can't break down from time to time. Because you can. You should. You need it, everybody does.

I wonder how you have been now. Wherever you are, I hope you are still holding on. If you are still carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders please allow yourself to put all that weight down sometimes. Cry if you need to, Kate. Are you listening to me? Cry. Punch stuff. Scream. But don't let apathy take over you. Don't lose hope, dream. Feel, even if it hurts. Don't let yourself be dragged by sadness and fear to a hole on your mind where nobody or anything can touch you.

I'm telling you this because I heard that's what people do when they're in a difficult situation with no way out. They hide in their minds and they stay there, merely doing the basic actions. Don't leave yourself to that, okay? God, Kate. It breaks my heart not being able to hug you. _To kiss you. _But that's another matter.

Oh, I went to your apartment the other day, like I said I would.

It was harder than I thought, being there. I stood outside the door for almost ten minutes only to gain strength to move my hand from my pocket to the lock. When I finally opened it and looked inside, something in my chest clenched. It was dark and it _felt_ dark. All of your things were in there but it felt _empty._

I came in and turned on the light. I walked so slowly, Kate. As if I was trying to memorize every feature of the pavement without realizing. I was careful with everything I touched.

I'm not going to lie to you. I went to your room. I know I shouldn't, but I couldn't help it, I thought about it and before I realized I was already there. I sat on the edge of your bed, my elbows on my knees and my head buried in my hands. It was_ your_ room. It was yours. You spent time there. That was enough for me to break down, _sorry_. That's when I saw it, right on your nightstand, one of my oldest books, half scorched, half wrinkled. How come you still have that? Especially after having your apartment blowing up! I opened it, hesitantly. It's a signed copy. I signed it. I can't tell you how I felt when I realized we had actually met before that party of mine that you gently invaded five years ago. And you never told me, hum? You really were a fan, Beckett! I grinned at the cover even though this only made me miss you more. I wish you were here so I could bug you about it and have you complaining. You are just _so cute_ when you're annoyed.

This only lasted a couple of minutes, though. I then started my search for clues, going through every paper I could find. I found _nothing._ But I will come back again and again to make sure I don't miss a thing.

Also, I brought my book with me, but I promise you will have it back when you _return._ I only did because I have a feeling that it meant something to you, I mean, it was on your nightstand! And you never even mentioned you had it. _Signed. _So, my guess is that there's more to it, and hopefully you can tell me about it one day.

Besides that one, I also brought another book you had on one of your shelves. It's called_ "Pure Contraption"_. I wanted something that would connect me to you, you know? So I thought "a book she read will do". You better have read it because that's basically the only reason I'm still reading it for. It's just so boring and senseless, Kate! Why would you even have this? Next time I hope I make a better choice. Actually, there was one that caught my eye first, but then I thought that it was probably too personal and I decided to mind my own business. (Since I was standing on _your house_ and going through_ your stuff_, that was an interesting choice of words, don't you think?) Oh, by the way, the book was called _"Motherless daughters"._

I think that's all I have to say for now. I hope you are okay, I really do.

_Yours, faithfully _

_Rick_

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><p><strong>AN2: Okay, 4 things: **

**1 - writing in this chapter might be worse than in the others due to the fact that I was feeling really sick while writing :s Still I wanted to publish it now because I don't know how much free time I'll have this next week. But I gave you 3 chapters in two days, so you can't be angry :p **

**2 - next chapter will be slightly happier :) - although they're not getting together right away, sorry :/ - **

**3 - "Pure Contraption" might be a very good book, or not. I don't know, I never read it, but it was in a photo that was taken to Beckett's apartment among with other books, so I just picked one randomly. I'm sorry if it's actually a good story. **

**4 - I can't see the reviews for this in the site! Can you? I don't know what to do :( But send them anyway, at least I can read them in my e-mail :s**

**Oh, actually there's a 5th thing: I love you all for reading this. **

**Clara**


	6. Chapter 6

A/N**: Hey :) I have to thank you for the motivation you are giving me to write this story! I would love to write it anyway but if there's a reason for it to be updated so frequently, that reason is you guys, you and your wonderful reviews :) **

**To the ones that added it to alerts and to favorites, I'm very grateful too.**

Disclaimer**: I only own the kidnappers and respective families. Oh, I couldn't be more proud of myself. I created this amazingly sweet people! ;)**

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><p><em>March the 17th<em>

_Rick, (it's time begin the letters in a more personal way, don't you think?) _

I have been really sick in the past few days, since…well, since that happened. I've been burning with fever, having trouble breathing, sweating all night and having nightmares (even more than what I already had). Also, my leg's scar has started aching again. But at least now I know that having a bullet removed in a basement by a couple of bad guys who probably have no clue about what they're doing it's NOT a good idea. Well, it's always good to learn this stuff, right?

My guess is that this illness resulted from a combination of all the panic, sadness, hunger, pain and lack of fresh air. All this stuff together can't be good for anyone.

They gave me some cheap medication after the first three days, that proves that they not only don't want to kill me but also that they actually want me alive, _WHY? _Still, the medication took more than a week to take effect.

Carlton came down here once during that time, but I looked so terrible that he didn't even cross the door. _Too bad, hum?_

However, I'm better now. The fever is almost gone and I can actually breathe well. You might have noticed by my dark-humored comments in this letter that I'm a little less lost in this whole situation. That would be because I've had something new to do lately, _someone to talk to_. One of the guys, Jason, brought to me this little girl a couple of days ago. He just opened the door and told me: "Watch her." with this bossy voice, but when he let her jump ahead to come in, I could see a slightly affective grin appear in his face. It's his daughter. Yes, this terrible people actually have daughters to take care of. How weird, right? They spend their time doing awful stuff when they should be thinking about being a good parent to their little girls. Speaking about dads, I have been thinking about mine quite a lot. I'm so afraid he has started drinking again…_or worse_…If I could ask you one thing right now it would be for you to take care of him. I know it would be hard for you too, but he has got no one now and…Oh Damn it, now the ink is blurred with my tears. _No, no, this is supposed to be a more positive letter, I promised myself I would only talk about the good stuff because, for the first time since I've been down here, something good happened. Calm down, Kate. Calm down. _

So…Her name is Sarah. She's eight. Apparently her school is having some problems and they sent the kids home for a few weeks and she can't stay home because the only person there is her mom, who is asleep due to the fact that she works the night shift (in what? I have no clue). So daddy brings her to _"__work__"_ and tells _me _to _watch her_. (Interesting fact given that I'm the one being held hostage here).

Anyway, I don't think I ever got so happy seeing all this puzzles, coloring books, pencils, toys and dolls in my whole life. Not even when I was a child. I actually have fun playing with her, God, Rick, I needed this. I needed something new, I needed someone, and who better than a kid to bright up this dark place with an innocent smile?

Although in the beginning she didn't talk much, she's a really sweet girl and has this huge brown eyes that look at everything with curiosity. Sometimes she asks me really hard questions like: "What are you doing here?" and "Why can't we go outside?" and I obviously have to find a way to answer her without saying "Your dad is a jackass that should be in jail by now".

Besides that she frequently asks me to tell her stories. At first I would make up this super common fairytales but then I realized I could use this on my behalf and I started telling her real stories from my life. Of course I adapted and simplified all of them, but it's a way to keep some good moments present in my mind so they will be harder to forget regardless of how much time I spend here. I actually…hum…might have turned you into a prince charming once or twice…Stop, don't get all cocky, before that I made you a frog. _(I can picture your smile so well now that it hurts)._ Anyway, I had to make the things interesting for the poor child, don't you think? What eight year old would care about a mystery writer_? (Besides your daughter of course. I hope she's doing well by the way). _

Although I love to have company from time to time I'm afraid I'm letting myself get used to it. When she stops coming by, then _will I still know how to be alone_? Only now I'm realizing how desperate for company I have been. I mean, I knew I felt lonely but now I think I will go crazy if I stop having someone to hear me rambling and actually reply to me. There's one more thing that I am scared of but it seems silly only to think about it. Have you heard those stories about abducted people that actually start to feel affection for their abductors? Does that only happen to children or is it applicable to adults too? I wish I remembered. I mean, I hate them. I hate them with all my strength, but I'm afraid my loneliness will take over of me if I stay here long enough.

No more bad thoughts for now. I think I am just going to sit here picturing a new story for Sarah. Maybe this time the theme can be friendship, what do you think? Would Esposito and Ryan give good main characters? I can totally see you making a sulky face right now. But no, you can't be the heart of all stories, Castle. (_Of mine, though…)_

_With love, _

_Kate_

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><p><strong>AN2: So, I decided to create a character like Sarah because obviously Kate needs a distraction or something that will cheer her up a bit, and kids do that easily (especially in a situation like this).**

**But no, Castle and Beckett will not adopt her or anything xD I actually don't know for how long she's going to stay around. It depends of how the rest of the story goes. **

**I hope you are enjoying this as much as you were when you first started reading it. Or if you never really enjoyed it but for some reason you kept reading (that wouldn't be very common) I hope you've started liking it enough :)**

**Reviews are welcome :) [and by welcome I mean that when I see the "new e-mail" alert on my phone I cross my fingers and whisper "please be a review, please be a review"] okay, let's pretend I didn't just say that ^^'**

**Love you all, and thanks again. **

**Clara**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: If I owned them, I'd never have the courage to put Nathan, Stana and a tiger**** in the same room****. Fortunately, MilMar did, giving us one of the best episodes eveeer :)**

**A/N:Heyy :) Guys I've said this so many times but I've got to say it again: You are awesome. I'm soooo glad for the nice reviews I've been getting :') **

**I know I didn't reply to some of them yet, but that's because I've been really really busy, but I am going to.**

**I'm sorry this took me so long, but here you go. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>March, the 23rd<em>

_Kate,_

My book came out yesterday. Paula insisted I should have a huge party like usual, but somehow I managed to convince her to reduce the number of guests from one-hundred and fifty to seventy five. Still I couldn't stay there for more than a couple of hours. Everyone was talking about you, you know? I'd turn to the right and I would have reporters coming to me with questions like "Do you really believe she is still alive?" or "What are you doing to find her?". And then I'd turn to the left and I would have this little groups of people glancing at me and whispering things like "Oh, poor man, no one should lose the woman they love like this." or "I heard this is driving him insane, have you seen the dedication? Poor guy." So instead of turning both left or right, I turned back and came home. It was a scandal, Richard Castle leaving in the middle of the party of his own book, _"Missing Heat"_. It's all over the magazines, as if I gave a damn. Everyone used to say I was made to this, to the fame, because I knew how to deal with it, I enjoyed it but I didn't let it take over me (well, _not always_ at least). But I'm not sure I'm that person anymore. Right now I just want it to go away, I just want people to leave me alone and mind their own business! Paula was being relatively sympathetic with this situation I'm in, but after this I think she is really mad at me. I can't blame her though, I might just be ruining my career and that would ruin hers. Plus she's my agent, it's her job to keep me on the right path, but I changed and I'm just not sure what the right path is anymore. I don't want any more parties or book signings, no more interviews or fundraising events. She asked me "If you're done with all of that, what do you want to do then?" I don't know what is it that I want to do but this isn't it. Actually I don't think I want to do anything other than _looking for you._ God, Kate, when did I become so needy? When did your essence penetrate so deeply into my skin making everything else look so superfluous?

I am trying, Kate. I swear to God I am trying to keep holding on to you without letting the rest of the world fade away around me, but it's just so hard.

All the things that were left unsaid between us, all the things that were left undone, all the places I didn't take you to, all the jokes I didn't tell you, all the dates we didn't have, all the fights that we didn't fought, all the feelings that were left undefined, _everything_. _Everything _hunts me night and day. It's not regret, tough, this feeling. That day you told me you remembered everything from the day of the shooting, you asked me in that scared whisper if I could wait a little longer. I said yes and I meant it, I would wait my whole life if I had to. I don't regret it and wherever you are, you shouldn't regret it either. We did everything right, Kate. We were careful and we took things slow so we wouldn't mess it up. It's not our fault.

_ Anger_. That's what this feeling is. I'm angry because this isn't fair, life isn't fair. I've known it since I remember, but now I do not just know it as I also feel it. It fucking hurts. You know what it is that I really want to do? I want to take this glass of scotch that I have here and throw it at the window. Then I want to throw this copy of "Missing Heat" with all my strength against the shelf. _(without you here this book seems just so worthless and empty)_ I want to throw stuff. And I want to hunt down those bastards that got you. Then I want to find you _alive_, hold you, kiss you and bring you home safe. I want to apologize to you for letting go in the first place, for not protecting you, and for not finding you sooner. Next thing I want to do is hug my mother and my daughter and tell them I'm so sorry for not being there for them either, for turning into such a horrible son and absent father. Then I want to take you to your dad, do your friends. I want to see you smile, I want to take care of you. I want to tell you that I love you, this time with you wide awake. I want you to sleep on my bed so I can hold you all night without being afraid that you'll be gone again in the morning. I want to love you and I want to have you loving me. That's basically what I want to do, Kate. But I don't think that's the answer Paula is looking for.

Oh, I'm almost finished reading that book I brought from your house. It gets a little bit better near the end, but it's still boring. I might get back to your apartment one of these days to get another one (and of course to search for leads again even though it seems worthless).

_With love, _

_Rick_

_P.S: Did I tell you what the dedication of "Missing Heat" was, already? I don't think I did, so here it is:_

" _No matter what, I won't ever stop looking for your pigtails._

_To Kate,_

_Always."_

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><p><strong>AN2: Okay guys, don't kill me for putting so much sadness in this letters... :s I was almost crying while writing so I'm suffering too, remember that, okay? xD**

**Also, sorry for the imperfection of the name of the book and of the dedication.**

**I have to tell you that next chapter something really good is going to happen, I'm looking really forward to write it. Maybe I'll start tonight and upload it tomorrow, if you give me enough motivation, cough cough, if you know what I mean ;p No, seriously, I don't know if I'm able to upload it that soon but I'll try to delay it too much. **

**Once again, you are awesome.**

**Reviews, please?:)**

**Clara**


	8. Chapter 8

A/N:** Hey! You can't tell me that I don't listen to your pleads :p Here it is, the fast update that you asked for. I really hope that you like it**.

**Once again, thank you SO SO SO much for all the feedback you've been giving me. You're awesome.**

Disclaimer:** They're still not mine, however Christmas is coming, if you're running out of ideas for my present, Beckett and Castle would be a good one ;) :P **

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><p><em>April the 2nd<em>

_Rick, _

I've been staring at this blank page trying to find the right words to start with but I just can't. I have so many emotions right now, I've landed the tip of the pen in the paper numerous times only to end up opening little holes because of how strongly I'm holding it. It's the excitement I guess...and…_happiness?_

_Thank you_; are the only words I can come up with that do the minimum justice to what you deserve to hear. Thank you and _I love you._

Okay, shall I start from the beginning?

So, do you remember me telling you they used to bring some old books from time to time? Well, lately it has been Sarah's father the one bringing the books, and, perhaps because he is thankful that I entertain his daughter so well, he has been bringing me more recent and more interesting books.

About one hour ago he came in here with this bag that he handed me, along with my lunch. When he left I started eating and only when I was finished with the raw meat and the rice I decided to take a look inside. Books. It's always great when they give me books, it means that I will have some new universe to run away to during the following weeks. So I started taking them out of the bag, and the first one I saw was, for my discontent, "_Pure Contraption". _If you never read it, please don't. It's just the most annoying book ever, my dad gave it to me on my birthday a couple of years ago and that's the only reason I still keep it in one of my shelves. The ending is the only nice thing in that book but not many people can make themselves get that far.

Anyway, I was taking out the books one by one and reading their back covers when I saw it. The last book was_ yours_. (Jason is kind of new here, he probably wasn't told that I should not be getting books from this guy Rick Castle. I actually doubt he was told anything at all.) I grabbed it immediately, letting go of the others that consequently fell on the floor. _Missing Heat. _I swear my heart stopped when I stared at the title, written in huge white letters over a blue cover that conveyed everything but _heat._ Nikki is naked _again_ I guess, but it's hard to tell since this time there's just a figure wrapped in blue shaded mist. I traced every single letter with my finger, lingering on your name. _Richard Castle. _You are alive. You are okay. You are writing. _About me. _ I don't know how long I sat there running my fingers across the cover. What I know is when I saw that a tear had fallen right above the "L" of your name, I woke up from my trance, hastening to clean it up. (God, I don't want any damage, no matter how insignificant, to occur to that book)

That's when I opened it and turned the first empty pages so I could get to the dedication.

"_No matter what, I won't ever stop looking for your pigtails._

_To Kate, a__lways."_

I read it as many times as I could before my vision got too blurry, and then I was bursting into tears, (_tears of joy this time_) and smiling so much that my face hurt _(not that I cared)_. Even now I can't stop smiling! _You believe that I am still alive. You are looking for me. You are not giving up. _I love you. I love you so much, and I'm going to do everything that I can to get the chance to tell you this. You deserve to know. God, Rick, you deserve everything, more than what I can ever give you.

I've always been happy to have your books dedicated to me. I thought it was sweet, it would bring a smile to my face and it would warm my heart even though I didn't tell you. _But this one, Rick…_ This one means the _world_ to me. It brought me _hope,_ something that I have been losing since I got here. And this book is a part of your work, a part of you. It brought your scent back to my mind and I feel like I can smell you all around me. It brought me little memories that I didn't know I had forgotten. But most of all it brought me a part of my partner, a part of my friend, a part of the _man that I love_. These are your words, your thoughts, this is _you._

After I read the dedication twenty times more I lay down on the bed, holding the book in my arms with all my strength, I laughed. I_ laughed_. That's something I hadn't done in quite some time. I did it just because I wanted to, just because I could, just because I'm feeling happy. It's a relative happiness, of course, but due to the circumstances it feels like this book was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I laughed because today I _believe_ everything will be just fine. Tomorrow I might not, but today I believe it because _I want to_. And because I trust you.

It's amazing how you do this. How come you always manage to _save me _from darkness even without knowing? Your books saved me once and now they are saving me again. Adding that to the reasonable amount of times that you literally saved my life I get speechless. You've done more for me than anyone ever did.

I'm so sorry I didn't see that earlier, I'm so sorry for asking you to wait, for being afraid, for letting the past drive me. I swear to God, once I get out of here_ (because I am going to) _I'll make it up to you. To myself. No more lying, no more hiding, no more _pretending_.

I love you. And you will hear me say it. I don't know when or how but you will.

You gave me hope. I promise I will find a way of giving you something back.

I'm now off to start reading your book, hoping it won't end too fast.

_With love, _

_Kate._

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><p><span>AN2: **Okay, thoughts? :) I'd like to say just one thing... Some of you might be thinking "Kate wouldn't say all those sappy things", but remember: She's been held hostage for more than a year now, she has had plenty of time to think about everything she had been hiding from herself. Also, she writes this letters to Castle but she's still the only one reading them, this is all very intimate, so it's not like she's admitting her feelings to the world :p **

**Thank you for reading (: Reviews are veryyy welcome as usual. **

**Love you guys,**

**Clara**


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N:_** Hi guys :) So, I'm reallyyy excited because I've never had this many reviews in any story and it means so much to me, oh God ! Thank you really, to all of you, you are amazing.**

**Okay, don't kill me, but it's not _yet_ in this chapter that Rick gets a sign or a lead. I'm really sorry, but I couldn't give it to him yet, not before what will be Kate's next letter. I promise this will make sense to you in the next chapter. Please forgive me and stay around until then? :$**

**Hope you like this one.**

_Disclaimer:_ **Nop, I don't own them. My birthday is coming though. Just saying!**

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><p><em>April the 7<em>_th__, 2013_

_Kate, _

Yesterday Alexis dragged me to the movies with her. We went to see "Brain Spirals" which is actually a really bad movie but we laughed a lot making fun of it. After the movie we bought cotton candy and took a walk in the park, just chatting and laughing. You have no idea how good this felt, I needed it. We both did.

She told me all about her latest crushes, fights with friends and vacation plans. I think I had forgotten how good it was to hear her rambling like that. My daughter is really amazing, you know? How could she not anyway, having a father with such great parenting skills! _(And there you are, rolling your eyes on my mind)_

So, I guess this night with Alexis had a really good effect in me, I'm feeling a little lighter and well…less miserable. I even agreed with Paula when she told me I had to make a few book-signing sessions. I immediately regretted it though, when she started listing more than thirty places where I should go to...Hell, where am I going to find the strength to smile to all those fans? _(I wish you'd show up in the line like you did last time)_

Anyway, I have got something else to tell you. Today Esposito, Ryan and I went back to that place. To that house. A few months passed since the last time we were there, but everything is still the same. Ruins. Ruins caused by the explosion. We did the same as usual: wander around the building like three idiots. I honestly can't tell why we keep doing this. Obviously there's nothing new there that we haven't seen yet and also there's nothing in a destroyed building that would make a group of bad guys come back.

While they went to ask Mr. Joles if he had seen something new lately…Oh, you don't know who Mr. Joles is, right? Sorry. So, in the course of the investigation several people who lived in the neighborhood were questioned about suspicious activity that might have taken place in the building. But then it lead nowhere and questions stopped being asked. Obviously when we started coming here on our own we restarted talking with some of those people and we even got friends with a few. I think they feel sorry for us, three lost guys endlessly searching for some woman they knew. _As if you were 'some woman'… _Well, Mr. Joles is one of those people, an old guy who lives in the other side of the street. He never really saw anything suspicious but he really wanted to help so we asked him to keep an eye on the area for us.

So, as I was saying, Esposito and Ryan went to knock on his door to see if there were any news as I stayed behind, entering the destroyed building instead. It barely has a door now, so I was forced to jump in through the window. There's nothing inside but rocks and broken bricks. Those sons of bitches knew they would blow the fucking building once we were in there so they took all of their stuff, if there was even any. I walked on to what looked like the place where I was lying down when they took you and I sat there, closing my eyes.

"_Mark Riverson, one of the suspects, was just seen entering a building on the 15__th__ street." You said, as you hang up and got your jacket. _

"_Shouldn't we wait for back-up?" _

"_Yes Castle, we should. And do you think Riverson is going to wait around for us while we do? "_

"_Well, no but…They're dangerous, Beckett." _

"_You can stay if you want." And there you were, already heading towards the elevator._

_I ran after you, obviously. "The hell I can, Kate. You're not going there by yourself."_

"_As if I've never arrested a guy before."_

"_Well, it might not be just one guy! You don't know how many of them were already inside."_

"_Still." _

"_These guys know you. They want to take you down."_

"_Yes they do. But you know what? I want to take them down a hundred times more."_

"_So do I", I said. You met my gaze and I saw a soft smile emerging on your lips. A smile that showed you had understood the words I left unspoken. -So do I because they killed the mother of the woman I love and they had no right to put her through that kind of pain.- _

"_Hurry then." You replied, as we got in your car._

We got there, and I still don't remember what happened after you kicked down that door. There's a blur and the next thing I remember is being lying on the floor. Without you.

As I went through all of this in my mind, I opened my eyes only to stare at what I guess that used to be the back door. The last time I saw you, you were just a dark figure being dragged through that door. I should have been able to reach out for you. I should have been able to fight.

Well, Ryan and Esposito came back without news only to find me there, drowning in my thoughts.

We headed back to my apartment where we were supposed to have a drink if Gates didn't call just before we arrived.

Apparently she heard that two of her detectives and_ the writer_ were wandering around an old crime scene. (How come that woman always finds out about _everything_? Geez!) And so she called us down to the precinct to yell at us a bit. "_How many times do I have to tell you? You three are too close. Are you hearing me? Too close to this. It's been a year but I still have people investigating, against the orders of my superiors. I didn't give up on Beckett despite of what you might think! But I can't have you around asking questions to the neighbors and actually entering the house which is still a crime scene. You're not investigating this anymore, step back. The best you can do is not interfering or you'll end up screwing up! Do you understand me? Good. Castle, go home. Esposito, Ryan, desks. We're done here."_

It's actually the third time she gives us this lecture. Nobody cares. Not even Ryan.

_By the way, I wish we had waited for back-up._

Yours faithfully,

_Rick_

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><p><strong>AN2: Okay, thoughts?:)**

**Also, I need your opinion on something. There's some action coming in a few chapters. I wanted to know if you think I could do a non-letter chapter in order to 'expand' the action or do you think that it kind of would change the whole purpose of the story? I'm not really sure myself of what I think yet, but I'd like to hear you :)**

**Oh and feel free to point out my English mistakes at any time. I know I give them :s but I'm sorry.**

**Clara**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Heyy :) Thank you so much for all the alerts&reviews :) Also, thanks for letting me know your opinions about the format of the story :) We're sticking with the letters _for now. _I hope you enjoy this one :)**

** Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own them. ;)**

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><p><em>April, the 10th<em>

_Rick,_

I dreamt about my mother the other day. I mean, I dream about her very often but this time it was different, I didn't wake up crying or sweating, I think I actually woke up smiling.

We were lying side by side in the green grass, a spring breeze surrounding us. There was a cloth and a few dishes. A picnic I guess? At first I was just staring at the sun, without even noticing her presence but knowing that she was there. Hard to understand, I know.

Then she spoke, her words and her voice were like soft music to my ears. We were talking as if we were together every day, as if us being lying there together wasn't that much of a big deal. I can't remember everything we said but I'm pretty sure half of it didn't make any sense. It felt real, but it was still a dream after all, right? Then she asked me "_Do you miss him a lot?" _She didn't say a name but when I answered _"Yes"_ I knew exactly who we were talking about. She stretched her arm and reached out for my hand, holding it gently.

I felt a tear slipping down my face as I opened my mouth to speak, nothing coming out but a mere whisper _"so much, mom"_ She turned to me, leaning on her elbow. She told me everything would be alright as if she was comforting a child after a nightmare.

"_Do it, Katie" _She said, firmly. _"It will be okay." _

"_Do what?"_

"_Whatever it takes to be with him again. You need it."_

I raised my head to look her in the eyes, trying to understand what she was talking about but suddenly she was gone. And there I was, alone in some kind of forest, the sunlight hitting my eyes. God, I miss the sunlight. I miss my mom. And _you_, I miss_ you_.

When I woke up I spent hours trying to find a way to do anything to be with you again. If she said it, there had to be a way, right? And that's when it occurred to me. I immediately grabbed "Missing Heat" and a pencil. I made sure I drew it in the very first page, leaving two other pages between that and the dedication. Then I grabbed all my other books and I drew and wrote similar things.

Three or four days later Jason came here and brought Sarah. She stayed the day and as we played some board game I didn't put on a smile like I usually do when she's here, I simply let her see how miserable I feel when I'm alone.

Sarah asked what was wrong with me, and I told her I missed being outside. Of course she asked me for the millionth time_ "Why can't you go outside?". _I stood by my first answer, telling her that I had some weird condition and that her dad thought it was better for me to stay inside. _"And it's almost my birthday and here I am, alone." _I know, I had no right to lie to her, or to use her like this but…I really need to use everything that I can, plus I made sure this would have no consequences for her. _"Really? Oh, poor Kate. Is there anything I can do for you? Maybe I could ask my dad to let you go outside for a couple minutes, how bad would that be for your condition?" _ She asked, with those big eyes of hers filled with concern.

Well, that would be a great offer, wouldn't it? But that wasn't what I was looking for. "_Oh, that would be great, but I don't think he would allow me to. However there's one thing I was thinking about asking your dad."_

"_What is it? Maybe I can help you." _ The smile she gave me broke my heart. My god, I'm a really bad person for _playing her_. But I swear I had no choice.

I showed her your book. I explained her you were my favorite author (finally something that I didn't have to lie about) and that I always had dreamt about getting your autograph. I told her I knew that book was recent and that you should be making a book-signing tour by then. (_You better be, Rick. You better be.) _

When Jason came by at the end of the day to take her, she didn't waste a second.

"_Daddy, Kate needs to ask you something." _ He gave me a suspicious look as I gathered the courage to ask him.

I told him exactly what I had told his daughter a few hours earlier. I have been observing him closely this past few weeks and I came to the conclusion that he doesn't know anything else about me despite the fact that I am a cop and my name is Kate Beckett. I crossed my fingers for him not to know about you when I asked: "_Do you think…there's any chance that you can get me this book signed?"_

At first he looked surprised and then he just looked mean again. _"And what makes you think I would do that for you?"_

BAM. Just like that all my hopes were ruined. Of course I didn't think it would be that easy, but the look he gave me…it just made me feel like I was never going out. I nodded in resignation and started walking back to my bed when her pitchy voice broke the silence.

"_Daddy, please? Kate is always telling me amazing stories and she's so good to me. She never gets made when I cheat at Dog Dice! Plus, she's pretty." _Oh, this child. I immediately saw the mean expression of her dad going away, being replaced with indecision.

"_Sweetie, daddy is not sure if he can do that." _He whispered, passing a hand through her hair.

She begged him again and again as my heart broke a little bit more for that little girl and my hands started sweating with anxiety. _There was still a chance._

He said yes. He said yes and ordered me to give him the book. He opened the first page and he saw what I had drawn. He got angry and accused me to be pulling off some trick. I put on an innocent face as I showed him another ten books. "_See? I do this to all of them. I ran out of paper in my notebook and I like drawing and writing..." _He bought it but he told me that he rather not give my real name when he went to the bookstore, even though there are thousands of Kates out there. _"Tell him to make it out to Nikki Heat. She's the main character of the book. It could be anyone."_ I said.

I hugged Sarah with all my strength mentally apologizing for everything before she left the room.

"_Fine. But let this be the last time that you ask me for something. And if you tell anyone about this, you're dead."_ Jason whispered when his daughter could no longer hear.

He took the book, Rick. He took it for you to sign, can you believe this? I just hope that he doesn't see the dedication and that you pay enough attention to recognize what I wrote in the first page. _Please, Rick._ It's our _only _chance.

_With love, _

_Kate_

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><p><strong>AN: So, what is it that Kate drew/wrote in the first page for Rick to recognize? :p Any guesses?**

**Also, what did you think of the idea?**

**Love you guys!**

**Clara**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hi guys :D **

**I can't believe this story has over 100 reviews!:) It really means a lot to me. **

**And look at where we are...11th chapter? And there I was, thinking this would be a One-Shot! I'm not yet sure of how many chapters this is still going to have but I'm guessing that not many more. 3, 4? Oh well, we'll see :)**

**Hmm...It's 6:40 a.m here and I haven't slept yet so...I'm sorry if there are any typos that I'm not seeing xD Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: The same as usual. I don't own them blablabla. ;)**

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><p><em>April the 19<em>_th__, 2013_

_Kate,_

Oh, Kate. I got it. I got your sign! _(If it wasn't real than I proclaim myself endlessly lost.) _I apologize in advance if I'm not one-hundred percent clear in this letter. It's just that there are so many feelings, so many things going on...That it's hard to put it all in words._ (yes, even for me)_

I'm currently sitting outside the house of a mysterious man that showed up two days ago on one of my book-signing sessions.

He gave me the book without saying a single word and I raised my head to ask for a name as I always do. He remained silent as if he was trying to decide which name to give me or if he should give me one at all. _"Nikki Heat" _he replied in a tone of voice that was everything but friendly_._

"_I'm sorry?" _ As common as you might think it is, people don't usually ask me to dedicate my books to fictional characters. In a normal case I would just ignore it but…that man was no hysterical fan, you could easily tell that by the discomfort that transpired from his eyes. He did _not _belong there.

"_Ni-nikki Heat."_ He stammered a bit this time but hastened to cover it. _"Do you need me to spell it for you or what?"_ When you're sitting in the same chair for nearly two hours and writing the same thing over and over again, fighting is the last thing you feel like doing. So I just grabbed my pen and looked back at the book. That's when I _saw it. Right there, in the very first page. _

Two cups of coffee, one with cherries on top, both ones with different labels. My heart stopped when I looked closer to read what was written in each one. The first one said _"apples" _and the other one said _"always"._

I think my hand started shaking as I traced every point of the sketch with my finger. The contours weren't perfect but they looked like the result of hours of drawing. And the handwriting, oh. I would have still recognized it even if twenty years had gone by. Although it wasn't so messy as usual, I could still recognize the weird "_e_'s" and "_a_'s" that only you know how to do.

"_Is there any problem?"_ The guy asked in a harsh tone, waking me up from my trance.

"_No, not at all."_ I said, as I tried to make my heart calm down. I couldn't ruin that, it could be my only chance. _Our _only chance. _"I was just observing the nice drawings. I assume this isn't for you?" _

"_Listen, are you going to sign it or not?"_ His arms were now on my desk and he was looking me right in the eye. I managed to control the anger that was emerging in me, only to give him a smile and a whispered apologize. I then signed the book and handed it to him, reminding myself that that was what was going to lead me to you, otherwise I wouldn't have let go of it.

The man didn't say another word as he turned around and headed towards the door. I don't know how I managed to tell Paula to cancel the rest of the event and apologize to the people who were in the line and still making it to the street just in time to watch the guy entering his red car. I grabbed Alexis arm (she came with me because she was visiting a friend that lives in this area) and dragged her into my car, unconsciously ignoring all of her questions and protests.

Only after twenty minutes on the road I managed to put myself together, explaining her how every one of those drawings had a special meaning to me. She must have thought I was acting paranoid because she demanded to know every single meaning I was referring to, in order to draw her own conclusions.

"_And it's not just that. He asked me to make it out to Nikki Heat. To Nikki Heat for God's sake!" _I told her, as we followed the red car through endless streets. _"Take down the plate, Alexis."_

"_Already did. It's in here." _She said, shaking her phone in her hand. "_Dad, Nikki Heat could be anyone. And since when would a kidnapper come to get a book signed for his hostage?"_

"_I don't know, Alexis! I don't know but I'm going to find out."_

The car stopped and so did my heart. We were already in the suburbs, in what seemed to be a quiet and perfectly normal neighborhood. I parked a few streets ahead.

"_You think it's really her?"_ Alexis asked hesitant.

"_Ninety percent sure." _

"_Then I believe you." _

Those words gave me a kind of strength that only a daughter can give to her father and grinning at her, I got out of the car. When I saw she was about to follow me, I stopped her. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew I couldn't afford to lose her too.

"_You stay in the car."(Funny how these words give me a déjà vu feeling. Do they do the same to you?)_

I wandered around his house for about fifteen minutes before I decided it was best to call Esposito and Ryan to seek some council. We all agreed it was best to talk to Gates, but we were wrong. She made me leave to go talk to her at the precinct, only to tell me that concrete evidence was necessary to invade someone's house and "random words and drawings are no concrete evidence". However she agreed on putting that man (that now we found out to be named Jason) under surveillance. So, this past two days the guy hasn't left his house yet (unless he did it during that time I was in the precinct and when there was still nobody here to watch him).

It's now 11.45 p.m and I spent my day here, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Ryan and Espo were here too and Gates as already yelled at all of us because, apparently, we are risking the investigation.

I'm sorry. I can't leave. Not yet. What if you are in that same house and I am this much close to you? What if I could have already saved you and instead I'm just sitting here while you're probably in pain?

But on the other hand, if you're not here it's a good thing that I keep waiting until he leads me to you. Oh, Kate. You have no idea of how hard it is for me not to enter that house right away and not knowing if it is a good choice or not.

Part of me is afraid that I'm seeing it all wrong and that these were just a bunch of coincidences together. But even if I was trying harder to resist it, there's no way you can stop your heart from believing in what he truly wants to believe.

I'm going to find you. You_ are_ alive. You _have to be_. But there's just so much uncertainty...You know what? Fuck the rational side. I'm not afraid of getting hurt. _You are alive and I believe it._

I love you. I promise, after this, I'm going to make you the happiest woman on Earth. You really deserve to be happy, Kate.

At mid-night I should probably return home or Alexis will be worried. Still, before I leave, I'll make sure the surveillance guy has got everything under control.

_Yours faithfully, _

_Rick_

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><p><strong>So...I tried to create a version of what I imagine Kate's drawing to be like using Photoshop. But when I got to the labels I gave up. Still, I used it to do something different that I posted on tumblr. Check it out anyway, I think it gives you an idea of what Kate draw. Don't mind the words though. <strong>

**http:/ 25. media . tumblr . com/ tumblr_lwhcvw6Ga81r3uqczo1_ 500. jpg**

_**(delete the spaces in the link in order to get there)**_

**As for the chapter itself...**

**Hum...I've always given Rick lots of "irrational hope" and now I decided it was time for him to ponder about it a bit. He can't really be sure if this were all consequences or not and he knows if he believes it and it turns out to be a false alarm, he is going do fall, badly.**

**Thoughts? :)**

**Love you guys!  
>Clara <strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hey guys :)**

**I was hoping to give you a better Christmas present but time didn't let me :x **

**I'm sorry.**

**I wanna thank you for everything, you've been amazing.**

**I stopped replying to the reviews at a certain point, again, time's fault. sorryyyy.**

**Enjoy your reading :)**

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><p><em>April the 21<em>_st__, 2013_

_Rick,_

They found out.

Jason came here a few days ago, gave me the book and made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone about it. When he left I was thrilled, everything was going according to what I had planned. I had your signature right above those drawings and I was feeling pretty confident: there was no way you could possible look at them and not put everything together. I pictured a million scenarios in my head, you following Jason seemed like the most probable.

I kept telling myself to calm down, not to create so much expectations but I couldn't stop staring at the door, imagining you opening it at any moment. _Stupid_. I'm_ so stupid_. How could I ever think this could possible work? Come on! Drawings in a book sent to the author by one of my kidnappers? (The dumbest one by the way)

They're not amateurs, well not all of them at least. I've been playing with fire, thinking I had nothing else to lose. Actually, I do. _You._

According to what he told me, Jason came here not long after returning from the book-signing. Again, he dropped the book and left. A few hours later Mark (the son of a bitch that lured us to the other house) came here and asked me where the book was.

I pretended not to know what he was talking about but it was pointless. Apparently, Jason gave it a second thought and decided to tell them to make sure it was okay.

"_Guess what, Kate? It's not okay and you of all people knew that. Now give me the fucking book" _Mark told me.

I had no choice but to give it to him and to watch him examine the first page with a twisted smile on his face. Then he turned a few pages and read the dedication out loud.

"_Oh, such beautiful words, aren't they Kate? Too bad you're not going to see this romantic idiot again. Who do you think you are? Do you think you can just slip stupid messages under my nose? No, no. Who the fuck do you think I am? Do you think I'm stupid? Do I look stupid to you? Look at me Kate." _He grabbed my chin strongly, forcing me to look at him. When I offered resistance he pulled my hair with the other hand. _"Look at me! Oh, you arrogant little bitch! You think you are smarter than me don't you? Guess what, you're not."_

"_Don't you dare touching me."_

"_Really? What are you going to do? Shoot me with your gun? Oh wait you don't have one. Now tell me what this stuff you drew means."_

I told him it meant nothing, arguing that I just missed you and that I thought a signature would make me feel better. Obviously, he didn't buy it.

"_Here's the deal, princess. You tell me where the documents are and I don't go after your boyfriend before he comes after me."_

It took me more than an hour of fighting to understand what documents he was referring to.

They're the reason they're holding me. And the worst part is that they're mistaken and I was never in possession of such documents. Apparently, Montgomery sent some files to a friend before dying. Files which would have incriminated the responsible for my mom's murder.

"_So if the guy has the files, what the hell do you want from me?"_

"_He is dead, Kate! He has been dead for over a year! Suicide. And he sent you the files."_

He didn't. I never saw those files. I wish I did though.

"_Or you have got them already or he gave them to someone with orders to send them to you someday."_

"_And what makes you so sure of that?"_

"_He left a note. He said he wanted to do what's right for once. We've been controlling your mail, waiting for the day something will show up. "_

"_Is that why you have me here? Because you think that I'm going to get some clue in my mail and you wanna stop me from getting it? Couldn't you just sit near the mail box?"_

"_Oh, we are being so funny today, aren't we? Well, in a few words I guess that's it. But we also might need to use you when we locate the files."_

So yeah... I learnt this is about some files. Some really important files that I have no idea where to find either.

"_And since we need more time, I guess we need to stop possible interruptions. Like Rick Castle. We're going to find him, Kate. Long before he finds us."_

God, Rick. What did I do? And why aren't you here by now? Why didn't you follow Jason and entered that same door the day you signed the damn book? Why? Why is this happening? I'm so afraid of what they might do to you. _So afraid. What did I do, God…_

Please be careful. _Please…_

I'm hearing shouts outside, wondering what's happening. Gosh, it sucks to be locked up. Wait, was that Ryan?…Oh my God, is that…is it…Castle, is that your voice? _Oh My God, is that you?_


	13. Chapter 13

Leaving the notebook behind and dropping the pen on her way, Kate ran furiously to the door.

"CASTLE!" She screamed as she punched the aged wood door over and over again "CASTLE! I'm in here!"

No answer. The voices were loud but she couldn't recognize any of them now.

Tears started running down her face as she threw herself at the door over and over again. "Castle!" Her whole body ached but her heart ached more with the need of getting out. With the need of being with him.

Suddenly, the noise of a shot echoed in the house. And the voices were now quiet.

"Rick…" The cries became mere whispers as Kate felt all the hope leaving her body in every breath she took.

It was too much. She couldn't hold on anymore. She felt her body sliding down against the door as she closed her eyes, losing track of everything going on around her.

_Nobody is invincible._

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><p><strong>AN: So yeah, here's a mini non-letter chapter, hope you like it :)**

**I'll try to write something else before Christmas, but I don't promise anything. I'm so very sorry!**

**Merry Christmas guys :)**

**Clara**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks to AlwaysCastle, my beta, this chapter has been reformulated and it looks much better now :) Re-read it, please!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: If I owned this guys, Castle and Beckett would be making out by now ;)**

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><p>"Ryan, did you hear that?" Esposito whispers, his head tilting to one side to hear better.<p>

Three shots have been fired. One person has been hit already. Esposito shot him in the leg when he had attempted to take a shot at Castle. But as far as they knew, there were at least three other guys hiding around in the warehouse.

"I did. It came from that direction." Castle replies, nodding down the dark hallway.

Ryan, Esposito and Castle are hiding behind a large crate, obscuring them from view, yet giving them full access to the hallway. The three of them crouch ready to fire at any moment.

"Go, Castle." Esposito whispers, pushing him a little while peering around the crate. All looks clear for now.

"What?" Castle asks nervously, looking back at his friends, and then down the dark hallway.

"Go." Ryan continues. "We've got this. Back-up will be here at any moment." He raises his gun as if for emphasis.

Castle looks around again. Everything is quiet. The sort of quiet that can make a guy uneasy. He knows that they are not fully out of the woods yet.

"Are you sure?" He asks, reticent.

Esposito and Ryan share a look, both of them nodding at Castle. Esposito places a hand on the writers shoulder "Go find her, bro. We can hold them off for a while, when the others get here we'll come find you."

"Okay." Castle nods, his face becoming serous. He adjusts himself behind the crate creeping forward and waiting for his signal.

"Ready?" Ryan asks voice now above a whisper.

Castle nods and prepares himself to run. Ryan and Esposito start firing shots in the opposite side, trying to distract the guys. When the first shot echoes, Castle is already half-way down the hallway, running as fast as he can until he reaches a door. The only door around, that he can see in the dark.

"Kate, are you in there?" He asks into the dark quietly.

No answer. He looks back to where he had came from, checking if he's far enough away from the main room to raise his voice without being heard. He hears more shots, but he's seemingly alone.

"Kaate?" He draws out her name on a hiss. And then he knocks once, twice... Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Castle presses his ear to the door. He's starting to think it had all been their imagination and no one had yelled his name. Shit. What if he never finds her? What if's she's not even here? No, no, she has to. She has to be here somewhere, he's come this far, he won't let her down now.

"KATE!" He yells desperately, leaning against the door. "Kate, can you hear me?"

Suddenly he hears a knock.

_It didn't come from behind this door._ He thinks to himself as he looks at the end of the hallway. There aren't any more doors, but the knocking persists. He listens, and thinks he hears them a few meters ahead. He follows the noise. Someone is coughing.

"Castle! Rick! I'm in here." A voice he'd recognize even if he spent a thousand years without hearing, echoes through the door.

"Kate? Kate! Where are you?" Frantically he starts searching the wall with his hands, trying to find the entrance to wherever she's being kept. "I don't see a door here!"

"What? There has to be. Look closer!" Her small voice filters through. Every time he hears her, his heart gives a tiny leap.

He does and eventually his hands find what his eyes have failed to see. There is a wood door in the wall. It's hidden by peeling wallpaper. It shouldn't be hard to knock it down.

"Kate, back away from the door. As far as you can, okay?" Castle asks of her, his breath already coming out in ragged attempts.

"Okay." She replies back weakly.

He takes a couple of steps back gaining balance and then rushes at the door, heavily colliding with it. The door doesn't budge.

"Are you okay?" Kate asks from the inside. She sounds farther away, her voice echoing throughout her confines.

"Yeah, yeah. Let me try again." He does. With all of his strength this time, which is just enough for the door to give in and fall to the ground, creating some dust in the air. Castle doesn't wait for it to settle down as he enters the small room in a mad rush.

He finds her with her arms around her knees. This pale and skinny figure almost unrecognizable, sitting on a filthy mattress. No, that can't be her. She looks so fragile, so small. What had they done to the Katherine Beckett he has always known ?

"Kate?" He asks, quietly, walking hesitantly towards her.

She's staring at him, like she can't believe he's really here. Gradually, she gets up. The simple movement of standing up from the ground seems to take all of her strength from her delicate body.

He hastens to help her. The moment his hand touches hers he forgets all the tenderness that was supposed to be leading him. He pulls her into his arms and she almost falls with his intensity. She soon finds her balance, putting her hands on his chest. He tugs her closer by the hips, slipping his hands into her hair as he whispers words of comfort into her ear. Comfort for him or for her, it's too hard to tell.

Then, he cups her cheeks, making she look straight into his eyes. She's not even aware that a tear is making its way down her face.

"You came" She whispers, her voice inebriated with emotion. "You came and you…you found me…"

"I told you I wouldn't give up on you. Ever." he breaths on a contented sigh. "God, Kate, I'm so sorry it took me so long." He rubs a thumb along her pale skin.

"Shhh" Gently, she places a finger on his lips. "It's okay. You're here now." She looks into his eyes, his soul. "I've missed you." She almost whimpers.

She frees herself from his hands, only to rest her head against his chest.

"I've missed you too." He replies brokenly. "Are you okay? What did they do to you?"

"I'm…fine. I will be. But..I...I must look terrible." She murmurs.

"You don't look terrible to me." He feels her smiling against his chest and that only makes him want to hold her tighter but she looks and feels so fragile that he decides it's best not to.

"Let's get out of here." Kate says. "What's going on outside?" She sounds scared.

Suddenly, they hear someone clearing his throat right behind them.

"Oh, you're not going anywhere madame."

They turn around only to find one of her captors, Carlton, standing at the entrance with a gun pointed at them. Pointing at Kate.

Without a second thought, Castle hurries to stand in front of her.

"Playing hero, are we, pretty boy? Your gun, to the ground. Now."

"You have a gun?" Kate whispers from behind him.

"I'll explain later." Castle replies as he throws the only form of protection on the floor.

"Good. Now choose, either you get out of my way and I shoot you last or you stay here and let her watch you die first. Personally, I'd like you to go for the second option, I still have some unfinished business to take care of with her." Carlton growls, his gun now pointed to Castle.

"I'm not moving a single inch, jackass. You're not touching her." Castle replies through his teeth.

"I already did, anyway." Carlton breaks into a cold laughter. Castle doesn't move an inch. "Fine, I'll shoot you first."

"No you won't." Esposito appears behind Carlton, pointing a gun at his head. "Drop that gun or I'll take you down."

He doesn't drop it. Actually, he takes a sudden step towards Castle which is enough incentive for Esposito to pull the trigger.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: **Hello :) First of all, go back and reread the last chapter. I now have a beta reader, AlwaysCastle, and she kindly helped me to reformulate the whole thing, I promise it's worth it, she did an awesome job. Thank you Lizzie, by the way :)**

**Secondly, I'm still fascinated with the number of reviews, alerts and favs that this story has gotten. I swear I never thought it would get this far :)**

**And yes, we're back to the letters but not for long. **

**Actually I'm thinking of two more chapters only. _(And maybe a sequel but that's just a vague idea hovering on my mind._**)

**Enjoy.**

Disclaimer:** Nope. Still not mine.****_  
><em>**

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><p><em>Kate<em>,

I'm currently in the waiting room of the hospital. They took you in for observation and wouldn't allow me to go along. I wish they had though, I feel the need to be close to you now more than ever.

I had to remind myself that nobody was going to take you away this time when I let go of your hand so the nurse could lead you through the hall. I think I saw it in your eyes too, that involuntary fear of being left by yourself again. That is so unlike you...Or at least, it used to be. But I can't imagine what is going through your mind now, you must be feeling so lost. I hope you know that no matter what happens, I'm going to be here for you. _Always._

Today when Jason finally left his house, I didn't waste a single minute before following him. I bet the surveillance team thought it was imprudent and precipitate going after him that way. And maybe it was, honestly I don't know how he didn't notice me. Or maybe he did, can that be? It was too easy. He must have seen my car parked outside at least once. I tried to hide as best as I could, but it's a very open street and there was always another car there. The one that belonged to the team. And sometimes Ryan and Esposito would pass by as well. God,now that I'm thinking about it we had a real crowd out there. Could Jason have been leading us on purpose? That doesn't make much sense to me, though. Well, you of all people must know if that's likely or not, that's something we should discuss later.

The guy could be driving to a grocery store or to a coffee shop, fortunately he wasn't. He was driving to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Espo and Ryan arrived just after me, even before the surveillance team. Yeah, those were probably miles away trying not to be seen. _Idiots._

We parked in the corner as we saw the guy go around the building and we got out. We put on our vests and got our guns ready. Yeah, they gave me one,_ just in case. _The door was closed and we knocked a couple of times before banging it down. It was a dark place, full of dust, boxes and crates. There were three guys sitting around a wood table, holding guns in their hands.

_ "Looks like we have company!"_ I remember hearing one of them say as he cocked the weapon.

_ "NYPD, I want everyone on the ground." _Ryan had shouted.

One of them obeyed, immediately jumping to the floor. The other two just ran, avoiding the shots we started firing at them. And suddenly it was all open fire, with bullets crossing the air like mere hornets. It was a complete chaos, Kate. This other guy came out of nowhere, aiming right at me and he fired so quickly. I saw my whole life in front of my eyes, I thought of Alexis and then…Then I thought of you, I thought I had failed you and that I'd never get the chance to apologize. Luckily, the bullet did not hit me, instead it ended up piercing a wall somewhere behind me. I closed my eyes for a moment to take a deep breath, trying to pull myself together. The shots didn't cease and my head was spinning when I opened my eyes to find the guy lying on the floor trembling in pain. Esposito's arm grabbed mine, dragging me to the back of a crate.

_ "What happened?"_ I whispered, still not fully myself.

_ "He was going to try again. I shot him." _Espo replied.

_ "Thanks." _I managed, with the thoughts of an accurate shot crossing my mind.

They called back-up, just before we heard your voice, distant but firm, almost desperate. I felt an immediate urge to run, to go find you. But I couldn't just leave them there. Plus, something told me you were safer wherever you were during the take down.

But then Esposito and Ryan heard it too. They made it pretty clear that it was okay for me to go.

There aren't many friends like them these days, you know?

My heart clenched when I saw you…with your knees curled up against your chest, your eyes red, maybe from crying? Maybe from lack of sleeping? Your hair longer than I had ever seen it, and your skin was pale as sand. You were staring at me with an expression I couldn't understand, first it looked like fear, then disbelief, to then turn into what I dare to call a smile, a soft smile.

When I touched you, I felt an urgent need to hold you closer. _You were with me. Finally. _I know I always told you I believed it, but sometimes, at night, laying in my bed after another long day without you, I asked myself if any of this was worth it. If…If I'd really find you someday.

And there you were, standing in front of me, allowing my arms to surround you, grabbing my shirt with your fists clenched as if you were never going to let go. All I wanted to do was take you home, take care of you, and make everything that hurt go away. Make you as happy as you deserve to be. I forgot everything else around us as your gaze held mine. I didn't remember you being this beautiful. Yes, I know I just said you looked skinny and pale but God, Kate, that didn't make you any less beautiful to me.

As I said, I forgot_ everything _else, including the battle still going on down the hall. I should have kept my gun at hand. That lapse was stupid. So stupid it could have gotten us both killed. But I was so caught up in your gaze that I couldn't think of anything else except the feeling of having your flesh against mine after this long wait.

Anyway, when that guy burst though the room, pointing a gun at both of us I didn't even think before putting myself in front of you. Not that I would have done it any differently if I had actually thought about it.

The squeeze you gave me when you saw him…I can still feel your hand tightening around my arm, your nails unintentionally digging into my skin. You were _terrified_, Kate. _Terrified. _It only made me want to protect you more.

There was something he said…When I told him he wasn't going to touch you…he said_…"I already did."_ It got me thinking. What is it that he did to you? Did he do more than shove you around? Did he _touch you_? God Kate, just that thought is enough to make me wish I took him down myself.

_ I'm sorry_. _I'm so sorry for not being there for you_. To protect you like I should, to keep you from getting hurt. Again, for taking so long.

I promise I will make it up to you. I'll never allow anyone, _anyone,_ to take you away from me again.

I promise I won't annoy you so much but I'll still try my best to make you smile every minute of every day.

And I'll wait. I'm still here and I'm still waiting just like you asked me to. And I'll wait for you as long as you want. For now, I just need to see you and make sure you're okay.

Oh, and there you are. Discussing something with the nurse just on the other side of the waiting room. I can tell your eyes are already searching the room looking for…_me?_

I hope you're not thinking I left you, because I never would and never will.

I better go meet you, you're starting to look nervous. Oh, Kate!

_ Yours faithfully,_

_ Rick_

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><p><strong>Reviews are welcome as always. Come on! :)<em><br>_**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you AlwaysCastle for being my beta (and a genious). **

**Disclaimer:** **No...but dreaming doesn't hurt, right?**

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><p>"Come on, what is it that you are writing?" Rick asks, leaning towards Kate in another attempt to peer at the notebook she has in her lap.<p>

She smirks, swinging a pen between her fingers while sitting cross-legged on the other side of his couch.

"It's none of your business." She says, stretching a leg against his shoulder, pushing him away.

Kate isn't sure if she should be feeling this relaxed being at his loft but the truth is that it _feels like home_. He makes it feel this way. Actually, they all treat her like family. As if like she belongs here. Kate has come to realize that those so called lines, and limits aren't a part of their relationship anymore. She wonders if maybe he notices this as well.

"The hell it isn't! I spent 14 months without you, I want to chat a little, is that a crime?" He pouts, angrily.

She crosses her legs again trying to buy time to come up with an answer to shut him up for a while. "I know. And I wanna talk to you too. Just give me ten minutes."

He frowns, suddenly looking like a little kid who's about to start a tantrum.

She can't help the smile that appears on her face just before biting her lip. "Eight then?"

"Fine." He replies with a resigned sigh, going back to his previous place on the couch.

Kate smiles again, triumphant. She bites on her pen, eying him for a brief moment before looking down at the worn notebook where she presses her pen in the white paper.

She knows he's watching her. Since he found her, seven days ago, he watches her all the time with that look of concern in his eyes. She tells him he doesn't have to worry, that she is slowly getting better and he knows it. The doctor gave her a bunch of vitamins to take, recommended a lot of rest and a lot of food. _"She needs to strengthener her body's defenses."_ He had said. He also got her both psychological and physical therapy sessions. Kate had rolled her eyes at that, wanting to spend time with her loved ones and not with a bunch of doctors. But she eventually agreed. Partly because Castle and her father wouldn't have it any other way, and also, because deep down, she _knows_ she needs them.

However, sitting on Castle's couch wearing a pair of leggings and a baggy t-shirt that he had brought from her apartment, she doubts that she needs anything else other than the comfort of this cozy environment.

"Stop staring." She says between her teeth, keeping her eyes on the paper.

"I'm not-"

She cuts him off with a pointed look, eyes slightly narrowed but still playful.

He surrenders, giving her an apologizing smile. "Sorry. But you look better. Less pale you know?"

Kate nods and rolls her eyes in that purely "Beckett" way she knows he's missed. She then looks down at the notebook to continue her writing, not being able to help the grin that permanently graces her face.

_April the 28__th_

_Rick_,  
>I'm glad I accepted your offer, or rather, your demand to stay at your apartment for a few days.<br>Normally I would have turned you down, but then again what is even normal in my life?

I knew you were going to treat me like I couldn't do anything on my own, and I was oddly looking forward to it. Despite being slightly annoying, I actually find it sweet, even though I never tell you as much.

These last couple of days have been crazy. I mean, it was great being with everybody but at the same time it was too much to handle all at once.

Although, I didn't say anything. I think you noticed. Right on the first day, when my dad, Ryan, Espo, Lanie and later your mom and Alexis met us at the hospital, there was a moment when my head was spinning so badly that I could barely see. I don't know if it was due to all the anxiety, all the tears or maybe for all the commotion going on around me. I just know that you would find an excuse to bring me outside to get some fresh air. I told you I was fine but I know you didn't believe it and yeah, you had a point.

I've been feeling like this more often lately, probably because it's been a while since I was around so many people, or maybe it's the change of environment, so to speak. It's been 14 months since the last time I was anywhere than that filthy bedroom. My brain has to be confused, right?

But don't worry, I will be okay. As soon as I start therapy. I'll discuss this with the therapist and he can surely give me some medication to make this confusion stop. _He has to._

Another thing that I didn't tell you yet, is that I'm not going to investigate this for now, or any time soon. I can see it in your eyes. You want to ask but you're afraid of what the answer might be. But the truth is that I feel just so weak. This time, even _I _can tell that I don't have what it takes to go out there and chase these kind of criminals. I can't even be alone for God's sake! That morning when you went to my room just to warn me that you were going to the grocery store and if it was okay if I stayed asleep? I reacted like it was perfectly fine. But then, when I heard the door closing and I reminded myself that there was nobody else at home that day...I panicked. I know that nobody is going to come in and abduct me. I know you live in one of the safest buildings in town. I know that the guys who took me are all in jail, except for the one that is in the hospital. I know we haven't found their leader yet, but I also believe that he knows I don't have any documents and it would be stupid and useless to kidnap me again. I know all that stuff, but still being alone scares the shit out of me.

I don't feel okay around people but I'm not okay alone either. I'm such a mess, Rick.

I'm a damaged and broken mess but still… _I want to be yours._

I always thought you deserved better and now…now I am pretty sure about it. But you don't seem to think the same way.

During the time I was being held captive there was this thought that crossed my mind more times than I'd like it to: _"What if he's not waiting anymore?"_

And then you show up in that warehouse. You screamed loud enough to wake me up after I collapse against the door, completely exhausted of life itself. You hugged me. You told me _I never look terrible to you. _You stood firmly in front of me when the guy I was most scared of pointed a gun at both of us. And you had gently pulled my head against your chest when you saw all the reporters standing outside as we let that godforsaken place.

I stayed there; listening to your heartbeat as you tugged my hair, led me to the ambulance and yelled a few "leave her alone!" at the most persistent reporters.

I found you waiting for me in the hospital against my irrational fear that you could have left. You practically forced me to stay at your house because you knew that deep inside I didn't want to be alone, but you also knew that if you asked gently I'd politely say no. You come into my room every night to check if I'm okay. You make me breakfast in bed and you just sit there grinning when I complain. You don't ask questions even though you're dying to. You wait for me to reveal to you the answers.

I think…I think that all of that is enough to answer my questioning thoughts.

My dad told me you were the one that kept him from falling back into the rabbit hole and there's no way I can ever thank you enough for that. You didn't give up on him, and you didn't give up on me either.

_(_And now you are bugging me because I said I'd only take eight minutes to finish this and it's been ten but I want to keep writing because this notebook is full of bad memories and I want to create a good one so you better shut up and hang on, Rick. Thank you.)

If there's one thing I've learned from this whole situation it's that I can't keep putting things on hold while I wait for the storm to calm down. Because if I do, then I'll be waiting for God knows how long. It will take years, maybe decades for this storm to go away. When I get better, I'll do everything that I can but there's always the awful chance that it actually never will.

I see that now.

So I won't wait any longer for the dust to settle down. It will be tough and complicated and maybe not as perfect as it would be if I wasn't this wrecked version of myself. But it will be _us._ And even though it's taken me years to admit this, _us... _ it is all that I've ever wanted.

So, I'm about to close this notebook and ask you if you are willing to start this. If you are willing to take me as I am right now.

_You're the only thing that makes me feel safe._

And here are the good memories I was talking about, the moment I decided that being with you is what I truly want. _No, actually I decided tha__t long, long ago_. This is me acting on it.

_With love,_

_Kate_

_##_

Kate closes the notebook in her lap with just enough force to rouse Castle's attention. Smiling, she raises her eyes to meet his and her heart gives a flutter.

"Are you done?" He asks, his voice clearly full of hope.

She leans forward to place both her pen and notebook on the coffee table. But, instead of returning to her previous position, she scooches closer to him. A glimpse of confusion appears in his piercing blue eyes that she's missed so much, but it soon turns into amusement.

"Yes, I'm done." Kate is biting her lip seductively but her hand contradicts the look that obviously has him a bit taken aback. It's nervously playing with the hem of her t-shirt. She can't seem to get her eyes to look away from his lips. "I'm done with fighting this." She says in one breath.

He doesn't speak. In fact he does nothing except stare at her in awe. He's waiting. Well he won't be doing any of that any longer. Kate grins a second time, releasing her bottom lip from between her teeth, and then slowly, she starts to lean in.

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><p><strong>AN:_ Yes, I did stop there xD_ **

**Thoughts? :) Review please!**


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: **Hi guys. So here we are, it's the last chapter. It got way longer than what I expected but I just couldn't stop writing, hope you don't mind.**

**Also, a special thanks to AlwaysCastle, who was a great beta reader :)**

**Enjoy!**

Disclaimer: **Who knows, maybe I'm Stana Katic! Oh wait, I don't know how to speak French. But if it wasn't for that I could totally be her. (not)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

Kate hesitantly places a hand on his neck as she leans in. Her eyes dart up to his, their tentative breaths mingling in each of their uncertainties. But once their lips meet, a light brush at first, all the lingering doubt is gone. Taken over by a need so strong it brings her lips crashing down on his with greater force.

She moans against his mouth, feeling his hands slowly rest on her hips. It only peeks her desires more, and she nips at his bottom lip. It's then that he pulls back.

She's taken by surprise from the sudden distance. His hands are still at her hips, only now they put a light pressure on her sides, as if keeping her away purposely. Kate falters, having been so absorbed in the feeling of his lips on hers, his neck pulsating under the palm of her hand, in tune with the beating of her heart.

She wants more of him. She needs him. She goes in again. Her mouth opening over his, but he's not responding the way she'd like him to. Not the way she thought he would after all this time. She doesn't pull away though, just purses her lips against his slightly parted mouth, opening her eyes to see his are clamped shut. The corners of his eyes wrinkle with the effort to what? Keep himself under control? She doesn't know. She doesn't understand... Her heart plummets.

His eyes open then, as if feeling her suffering gaze. She sees it then, in those deep oceans of blue. He needs something more, a promise, a reassurance other than just this kiss. The one she knows they have both been waiting for all these years...With a sigh, Kate hovers her lips over his, not touching, not moving forward or away either. He blinks, sighing lightly against her face. A small smile creases the sides of her mouth, and her own sigh escapes. Leaning her forehead against his chin, she lets both arms snake around his neck. She tightens her hold, wanting to still be as close as she can to him, but when she opens her mouth to speak, nothing comes out.

She tries, in vain to put her thoughts in order. Somehow having this talk seemed a lot easier on her mind, when she didn't have his large hands gently holding her hips, unintentionally disturbing her focus.

Writing about it was certainly easier than actually talking about it. But that isn't new, is it? Talking to him about her feelings, being fully honest, letting her guard down and spilling it all out, that is.

But it's now or never. There's a knot forming in her stomach, her cheeks are starting to blush and her heart is fluttering again. This only reminds her of how much she _wants_ this. Of how much she wants _him._

Kate takes a deep breath and tries again, her forehead still against his chin as the words slowly start to drift from her lips in nothing more but a whisper.

"Alone there, without a way out, there wasn't much I could do with my time but thinking. I thought about _everything_." She has rehearsed this speech in her head a thousand times, still as she starts, nothing is coming out the way she has planned. She takes one of his hands and entwines her fingers with his. Looking up, Kate then notices he has a sad but encouraging smile on his lips and she realizes that it doesn't really matter how the speech comes out as long as he gets its meaning. _And he will_.

Her voice is slightly louder when she speaks again, now fully conscious of what is it that she wants to say. "I thought about my past. About my mistakes, the ones I could have easily avoided and the ones I couldn't. I thought about what I could have done to make them right and I didn't. I thought about the people I've met, the ones who left, the ones who stayed. I thought about the million different paths I could have taken, about the ones I did take and why. I thought about the good things I did, but mostly…mostly I thought about the good things I _didn't do_."

She suddenly feels the warmth of his hand on her chin, encouraging her to look up, at his beautiful and extremely profound eyes. Only then she realizes that she's been staring at their entwined fingers the whole time. She smiles at this realization and the knot in her stomach is no longer there. He makes it simple for her to just say everything she needs to say. After all, it's also everything he needs to hear.

He places a hand around her back and another one beneath her legs, in order to pull her to his lap, leaning back on the couch. When she speaks again, her voice is steadier and her right hand is absently playing with his hair.

"Also, I thought about the future. Or actually, about the million possibilities it could bring. Some were better than others. But in those days that I felt hopelessly lost, the scenarios I created in my mind were everything but good."

She recalls all the times she'd imagine she would die in that room alone. And the nightmares, the nightmares she had had where she would see Rick reaching out for her but falling into a thick darkness without a way back. She trembles when the thoughts of him being dead assault her mind once again after all this time. He could have been, the building had blown up, she had seen it, if he had stayed inside, he...

"Kate." He whispers into her ear, bringing her back from that dangerous place she was getting lost in. Her mind. She closes her eyes to the sweet sound of her name coming out from those lips she craves so. "It's okay, Kate. You're here, you're safe. And I'm not going anywhere." She senses him wiping a tear away from her face, his thumb gently rubbing her cheek. He then stops, but his hand doesn't move an inch. She raises hers to meet his, opening her eyes.

"I know." She whispers back. It's her thumb that is now rubbing circles on the back of his hand. "I know. Sorry."

She stares at his blue eyes, catching a glimpse of serious concern. _That_ look, is precisely why she's not altogether sure if she should show him the letters. He's being affected by her suffering. And though it means he cares about her, she hates seeing it happen.

"Now, where was I?" She grins, trying to shake off those thoughts. There are other things she needs to deal with first.

"We don't have to talk about it now, you know? I'm sorry if I pushed you in any way, I never intended to pressure you at all." He says in a truly remorseful tone.

She starts to raise an eyebrow, taken by surprise by his kindness. But her expression is quickly converted into a smile, a loving smile and a tender gaze. This is Castle, after all. He has always given her all the space she has asked for and more. It doesn't matter if he is dying to know the answers, if he is dying to hear all she has to say to him. If he sees that it hurts her even just a little, he will back down and give her all the space she needs. But now she doesn't want any more space, she wants every single air molecule around her to be filled up with that warmth he emanates, with his presence, _with him._

"I didn't feel any pressure, Rick. Honestly." She says, caressing his hand that is still on her cheek. "It's perfectly understandable that you need some answers. Actually, you don't just need them, you deserve them. I owe them to you, but I'm also telling you all this because it's what I want."

"You don't owe me anything!" He says quickly. His eyes are wide open, as if what she just said was a complete lie.

"I owe you a lot." She replies, her voice low but steady. "But I'm doing this because we both need it. And it's okay, Rick. Really. I'm okay."

She feels him holding her tighter, bringing her closer to his chest. He nods, and she takes that as an incentive to continue.

"The good thing about having so many depressing thoughts about the future is the exceptional nature of your dreams. You know, at first I wouldn't allow myself to dream very often, because I was afraid I would be giving myself hope. Hope that would eventually crush me." The words are coming out far more easily now than they were in the beginning, even though it's still a difficult subject to talk about. "But then when I realized how good a dream would make me feel, I gave up and stopped fighting it. Of course I'd often end up soaking my pillow with tears when I convinced myself none of that was going to come true. But then there were the times when I'd really let myself _believe, _have hope. And on those days, I'd be as happy as I possibly could."

She's observing every expression of his while she speaks, and he's still not smiling. The pain she sees reflected in his eyes it's almost too much for her to bear. She wonders if that's the same way he is feeling about her.

That look of concern is back and she decides it's better to rethink the yet unspoken words to make sure they don't concern him even more. She bites her lip while pondering and he gives her the time she needs.

"I dreamt about you coming to find me, just like you did." She starts, her voice softer due to the emotion. "And I thought about what I would do if I ever got to see you again. What I'd tell you, what you would tell me, what we would do…" She deliberately licks her bottom lip as she finishes the last words.

Suddenly he lets out a chuckle. By the look in his eyes and the grin that appears on his exhausted face, he's caught the subtle double meaning behind her sentence. She actually did it on purpose, hoping to get him to laugh, lightening up the atmosphere.

"What?" She says, giving him a small pat in the chest.

"Nothing." He replies, innocently. "It's just that…you thought about 'what we would do' and you licked your lips and blushed when you said it." He says, chuckling.

"No I didn't!" She says, but she feels her cheeks burning as she giggles.

"Yes you did!" He's grinning and somehow that's all she cares about. Still, she doesn't give in, narrowing her eyes at him when she speaks again.

"Thanks for ruining the moment." She says, folding her arms in her chest, letting go of both his hair and hand. In fact, she is truly happy that he's laughing for the first time since they started talking. She's not used at him being the serious one, even though this is a tough conversation. Also, she has missed that laughter. So much.

He stops laughing but that amused grin is still there. Thank God. "I'm really, _really_ sorry Detective. Will you forgive me?" He says, lowering his head, to then place a small but lingered kiss on her cheek.

She's a bit taken aback by the soft touch of his lips on her flushed skin. Her cheek is even hotter now than it was a few seconds before. The area where he placed the kiss? _Burning._

When he starts to pull back, she instinctively wraps an arm around his neck, bringing his forehead down to hers again, as she lifts her face up just enough for her lips to brush his. Again. She has managed to keep a reasonable distance for all these years, and now all she has to do is hold on until everything that needs to be said between them is, in fact, said. Why isn't she able to do such an easy thing? She has to. They both need to finish that talk. They're lost on each others gaze as she smooths a finger on his jaw. But she blinks and finds the strength to stop that urgent desire before it takes over. Sighing she lowers her face again, which he takes as a sign to pull back.

They fall into a deep silence. He is rubbing circles on her thigh and she closes her eyes, completely aware of his touch and his touch only. "Kate?" He asks softly after a while.

"Hmm?" She is tired and his gentle fingers were bringing her calm, so much peace. She's even allowing herself to fall asleep in his lap. Sleeping is something she barely does now, but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know yet about the nightmares that assault her almost every night. He doesn't know that she still sees that filthy room when she closes her eyes. There, with her head in his chest and his fingers over her thigh, it's impossible for her not to feel safe and...loved.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" He asks hesitantly. His voice shows concern, but she also detects some hidden disappointment. He would like her to finish what she was saying before teasing him, before almost giving him a second kiss.

"No. I still have a lot I want to say." She replies. And it's true. She wants to finish this talk as much as he does and sleeping can wait. Plus there's a slight chance that she is going to sleep in his bed tonight, which will certainly keep the nightmares away. She smiles at the thought and a heat wave runs through her body.

"Are you sure?" He asks, not being able to hide the hope in his voice.

He's so adorable. She nods, grinning, and then clears her throat, just before continuing. "Between so many thoughts, I promised a lot of things to myself. I think I even made a couple of promises to God, which is really odd for me."

"What did you promise?" His hand has moved to her stomach, and is now smoothing the creases of her maroon t-shirt.

"I promised that if I got out, I'd be happy." Kate says in a whisper. She stops his hand that is playing with the soft fabric in order to get his full attention before proceeding. "_With you."_

His lips curve gradually into a wide smile as he assimilates the meaning of these words.

She smiles back and gives his hand a slight squeeze for emphasis. She wants him to know she's serious about this. She wants him to know that she is not going to run away at the very first chance she gets.

"But you know me, Rick. I'm…_complicated. _I was damaged before and now…now I'm even more damaged. This thing…between us…is not going to be easy."

He opens his mouth to speak, but she shakes her head. She's not done yet.

"I used to tell you I wasn't ready. But what does being ready means after all?" She sighs and raises her eyes to the ceiling, head still resting against his chest. "Because if it means not having ghosts from the past haunting your present, if it means knowing exactly who you are, if it means sharing everything effortlessly with the other person then…Then I'm not ready and I will never be. I can't wipe away the ghosts I have surrounding me, but I'm willing to learn how to live with them without letting them keep me from being happy. I don't exactly know who I am without those ghosts, but I know who I want to be. I'm not used to letting someone know me fully. I'm not used to sharing all my thoughts, all my feelings. But I'm willing to try with you. I just don't want to waste any more time."

Her eyes are on his again when she finishes and this time he is the one who's tenderly squeezing her hand. "I think you just gave a new meaning to the word ready." He says, smiling.

"Did I?" She's smiling too as she entwines her fingers with his once again. A gesture she can see herself easily getting used to.

"Yes." He replies, lowering his head to hers and placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

Eyes closed, Kate finds herself licking the exact place where his lips were three seconds ago, unconsciously trying to absorb what's left of his taste. Opening her eyes she finds him grinning at her, amused. She blushes and stares at him for a while, all kinds of thoughts crossing her mind.

"Are you sure you want this too?" She asks, her voice suddenly weaker. She knows he has just kissed her, she knows he has said he loves her before, she knows he's staring at her, those blue eyes full of affection. But suddenly, for some reason, she feels afraid she has been taking him for granted.

"Are you kidding?" He asks, incredulous.

"No, it's just…I…Rick, I'm just not the easiest person to deal with."

He just stares at her, and her heart clenches with irrational insecurities.

"Say something." She pleads in a whisper.

"Sorry. I was trying to find the right words to tell you how amazing you are. I don't think there are any, but I'll try." He says, curling a strap of her hair between his fingers. She takes a deep breath and sighs in relief. Of course he wants this. He always has. "Kate, you are who you are, and that's just the way I like you to be. Your past, your scars, your losses, your fears, all of that is a part of you. But there's more to it. You're amazingly strong, incredibly kind and unbelievably sexy. You have a lovely sense of humor, kind of mean sometimes but yeah, I manage to get over it." He grins and she chuckles.

His words are warming her heart in a unique way. In a way only him knows how to. "You've been through a lot, Kate. But you don't give up, you put up a fight with everyone that dares to mess with you or with anyone around you. You suffer, but you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders." He pauses there, but not for long, just enough to take a deep breath. "I want this, Kate. There's nothing else in the world I want more than being with you, help you carrying that weight. I know you're not okay. I know this is a hard time for you, but I want to be by your side. I want to hear your protests every time I try to take care of you and I want to see that smile you give me when you realize that it's not that bad. I won't require you to share everything with me right away. You will share what you want and when you want. I don't know exactly who I am either, actually I don't think anybody does. How about we figure this out together? And by this, I mean life. There's no pressure. You give to this…relationship whatever you're ready to give and I'll give the rest. We've got plenty of time to make it work."

Her eyes are glowing when he finishes, and there's a tear threatening to fall. His words only have confirmed what she has known for a very long time. He is the one, her one and done.

"_I love you." _The words escape her mouth in one breath without her even realizing. But she doesn't mind though. It's the truth. It's the truth he deserves to know.

Before he gets the chance to answer, she is raising herself in his lap so her lips can reach for his again. This time he doesn't seem to mind though, his mouth is opening over hers and one of his hands is stroking her waist. She is responding with eagerness, moving her lips to his rhythm while her fingers are tangling his hair.

"_I love you too."_ He murmurs into a small space that opens briefly between their mouths.

Thrilled, she smiles against his slightly parted mouth but then he is kissing her again. She stops thinking when she feels his tongue sliding into her mouth, focusing only on exploring his mouth as well as he is exploring hers. His hand goes up to her hair to come to rest at her cheek a few minutes later , they both pull back searching for air.

She's the first one speaking, through her short-winded breath. "Kissing you… That was… another promise." She manages to say.

"I'm liking those promises of yours very much." He replies, grinning. "Are there any more?"

For some reason, Kate's thoughts fly to the notebook that is currently laying in the coffee table in front of them. "Actually…there's one more thing…" She says. "But it was never a promise. It's just something I thought I'd show you when, if, I saw you again."

"What is?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

"This." She leans forward and stretches her arm in order to grab the worn notebook. "But please don't think I'm crazy."

She places it in his hand. He glances between her and the notebook, ending up giving her a questioning look, as if asking her if it's okay for him to open it. She nods and slides from his lap to his side, so he can flip better through the pages.

"I wrote to you. I didn't even know if you were alive but I wrote anyway. Imagining you reading those letters and replying to me would make me feel less alone. I wasn't sure if I should give it to you because…I was a wreck, and I didn't want you to imagine me like that but at the same time…you deserve to read them." She says hesitantly. He raises his eyes to hers. She grabs the hem of her shirt timidly. "Okay, you think it's stupid. It is, isn't it?"

He closes the notebook, placing it over the table again and she feels herself sink into the couch.

Is it that ridiculous to write letters like those? Suddenly he stands up and murmurs a "Be right back" between his teeth. Kate stays there, nervous and confused, with her knees pulled up to her chest.

After a couple of minutes eying the ceiling, she reaches for the notebook again. That and his book were the only two things she brought from the warehouse. She flips its pages observing her anxious handwriting and her desperate words. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to show it to him after all. He now thinks it's stupid, but if he then reads some of the stuff she wrote, he's going to be seriously affected.

Her eyes stop in the middle of the tenth page after coming upon a certain name. _Sarah_. Her heart clenches with the memories of the little girl's bright brown eyes. She misses her. They ended up spending a lot of time together but that isn't just it. Sarah is very likely to be one of the few reasons why Kate didn't go insane in that place. Plus if it wasn't for the girl convincing her father to get "_Missing Heat" _signed for her, Kate would probably still be there.

Jason, Sarah's father, is waiting for trial among the other captors. He confessed to have intentionally leaded the police to Kate. He'd said he only had joined the scheme because he needed the money but then, after seeing how such a good person she was for his daughter, he had felt bad for Kate. Nobody could tell if it was really true or if it was just a strategy suggested by his lawyer, but Kate had decided she was going to testify in his favor, saying he had never tried to harm her in any way and everything else she could come up with. She was as angry with him as she was with the others, but she couldn't stop thinking about Sarah. She could tell that the child got along really well with her father but not so much with her mother. And Kate wanted the best for her. Still, she was definitely going to visit Jason, and explain him that all she was doing was because of Sarah and because of Sarah only and that he'd better treat his daughter like she deserved.

"I believe this are for you" Rick says. He's back and he's extending her a hand full of folded paper sheets.

"What's that?" She asks, accepting the pages from his hand as he sits down next to her again.

"Read one." He simply replies, a small smile appearing on his lips.

She frowns as she unfolds one of the sheets. She then starts reading in whispers, while he stares at her, waiting.

"_February the 16th, 2013. Kate, one year has passed since you were taken away (from me). Yes, I do refuse to say you were killed until I have solid evidence to look at even though everyone else around me seems to have made their minds about this. But they'r__e wrong. I can tell."_ She raises her eyes from the paper to him, with her mouth slightly parted in incredulity. "You wrote to me too?"

"Hm, hm." He replies. And then that smile isn't there anymore. "But I also didn't know if you should read them, since they are kind of depressing. But now they are yours, you can read them whenever you want to. I mean, if you want to."

Kate looks down at the paper again to read a few more words. They are indeed depressing. But so are hers, and probably even worse. Images of him reading her melancholic letters alone in his bedroom, blaming himself for this and that, fly through her mind. And then images of herself, reading his letters, feeling terrible for seeing how much pain she caused him, even though it wasn't her fault. No, it's not going to be like that.

"What if…" She gives him a small smile and scooches closer to him. "What if we do this together instead?"

"Sounds good." He smiles back at her, his eyes so full of love that she feels her heart skipping a beat.

"Let's see which one was written first." Kate says, opening her notebook again in order to compare the dates.

"Oh, yours was." She says, handing him that same letter for him to read. Actually, she had written more letters, which dated back to the first week she was abducted but she couldn't find them before they left.

He clears his throat as he reaches for her hand. His deep, throaty voice fills the air as he starts reading the first paragraph.

It's then that she realizes. They're going to read those letters and it's going to hurt. But it doesn't matter anymore because…because now she's in his arms, feeling his heart beat right next to her ear. Because now she's his and he's hers, and they are going to close this chapter of their lives tonight.

_Together._

**~~THE END~~**

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><p><strong>AN: I want to thank you all for reading this story. Also, I'm so very grateful for all the alerts and amazing reviews that you've been leaving. You made me feel like I can actually be reasonably good at this. And that means a lot :)**

**I loved writing this, I feel like I've improved my writing skills and (if that's possible) my love for Caskett :p **

**I know I had mentioned a sequel but I made some expiriences and I realized it wouldn't work because I'd be repeating the letters too much only to say very little. **

**But I might write something else in a near future, if my inspiration allows me too.**

**Please REVIEW, I'm really interested in knowing what you thought now that the story has ended. **

**I hope you all have a great year, fandom. **

**Thank you once more :)**

**Clara**


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